Thursday, February 24, 2011

FiM: Yeah... Because this is Going to Happen...

Watch this video, which is... well... not pornographic but probably of questionable Work Safeness depending on who comes in the room.



Now, I know the game is apparently a European Only release... and I know Europeans are stereotypically "liberal" when it comes to sex... but... really? Someone thought it was going to be profitable to make a make-out/sexually flirtatious party game for the Wii? This either speaks to the enormous baseline cost/profit ratio of the "Party Game" genre... or... someone's really desperate to get laid.

Dirty Minds amongst a group of mutual friends is one thing but I'm honestly not sure exactly where you'd find enough guys with girlfriends who want to get together and play a spanking mini-game outside of a BDSM convention and they'd probably find this too tame. Meanwhile, the "choose your own adventure" closing pitch that you're all gonna head off to an orgy/wife swap/stand around lonely while the girls go Lez afterwards is just... wow... dreamland would be an understatement.

This is the type of game someone brings out in a Revenge of the Nerds movie, the guys go "yeah!", and the girls look at each other like: "why the fuck are we dating these idiots?", while heading out of the room. Or, in a more recent genre, the point where Alyson Hannigan interjects and wonders why you're not just cracking open her collection of Japanese Se... err... "Dating Simulators".

I say this because the whole thing, as presented in the video, is otherwise so innocuous, graphically non-pornographic and dumb enough to have originally been a 12 year old's first mixed gender "kissing closet" party game repackaged as something fun to do for "Adults". Why? Because some idiot somehow decided stuffing a Wii controller into your butt-crack and spanking it would be a fun game mechanic so it has to be or else someone will scream about what's being sold to kids. So, we get this bullshit ad campaign as a "It's intended for Adults, and parents should control their kids", cover to hide behind when it gets into kids hands anyways.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not remotely a "all video games are for kids" guy. But, when you're attempting to game the system this poorly, I'm not gonna get in line to call a spade a rake either.

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