Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Link Storage: Random Curiosity

"Oh, and don’t forget, if you want to win a girl’s heart, the LEFT breast is the key! Just form a death grip on that thing and don’t let go. Squeeze harder for maximum damage!"



Things like this from todays Highschool of the Dead (mildly NSFW) recap are why I enjoy using RC (also, mildly NSFW depending on what you find on the homepage. Anime does have an entire "fanservice" sub-theme dedicated to panty, underwear shots, and general T&A that filters amongst the 1500 genres it's used to attack; especially those based on "harem" or "dating" manga that come before it and much of which would likely never get past BS&P in a million years over here 'cause they're set in High School.), to keep up on what's airing for Anime in Japan at the moment and try and find something worth watching. Unafraid to skewer the more ridiculous bits, you're always good for a laugh or two there even if you're not interested in watching the show in question.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Rant: Oh, for god's sake....

I"m watching ETalk Canada on channel inertia and they're doing a Back to School "style" shopping segment.

For a 6-8 year old Girl....

Why have we hit the point as a society where we're going to give a shit what our - wait, what the fuck focus group is that now? It's not a toddler, not a tween... are we calling them pre-tweens these days? Anyways, do we really care what they're wearing to school style wise? I mean, I'm pretty sure most parents just buy shit that's disposable 'cause kids that age either destroy it or outgrow it half way through the first 2 months of the year anyways.

Seriously, we need to stop force feeding consumerism down the pipe so hard. Let kids be kids for a bit before we start feeding them brand and style bullshit.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Thought of the Day: Confidence > Skin...

... and if you can't take 2 steps without checking to make sure it's still covering your ass (inclines notwithstanding), the skirt's too short. Wear something you're not scared shitless to be walking around in; you'll look better doing it.

I'm also entirely confounded as to what it says about your modesty comfort level when you're doing this in skorts....

Monday, August 23, 2010

Link Storage: Because snark amuses me...

Zero Punctuation.

Nostalgia Critic and Chick

There goes your Monday afternoon.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Thought of the Day: $150??? Screw it, I'll just get a bigger wallet...

<Don LaFontaine>
In a mall.... full of purses.... it's ridiculously hard to find a good unisex daybag/wallet....
</Don LaFontaine>

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Reviews from the Pad: Scott Pilgrim, Expendables, Alice Creed

Yup, it's Triple Header day here at the Pad....

We start off with the most... unique film of the three, Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Directing and co-writing a film that could probably only be described as hyper-kinetic, Edgar Wright succeeds in his adaptation, unlike M. Night earlier this year, by being wise enough to pick the parts he liked, keep the characters fans adored, and then toss the chaff while shifting a few elements around to end up with a fun little summer diversion. Because of this, if you're going looking for the "pure" Scott Pilgrim experience of the novels then you're likely to be disappointed (especially since the final act was written based entirely on advanced Coles Notes from O'Malley because the last book didn't exist when the film was written and shot), but the result is quite possibly the best possible Scott Pilgrim film you could have expected to get upon hearing all 6 books would be compressed down into a single movie. The main differences are that our basic plot - Scott's fallen for Ramona, has to defeat her 7 Evil Exes to keep her - now unravels over the course of about a month and moves some, but not all, of the conflict to a Battle of the Band's event backed by Gideon Gordon Graves that offers Sex Bob-Omb a chance at breaking into the industry while Scott's also chasing the heart of Ramona Flowers. Probably the key reason to see the film is to experience the fight sequences though. Fast paced, augmented with Mortal Combat-esque effects, and well shot; they're the highlight of the experience in many ways.

It's a fun little action comedy that's definitely unlike anything you've likely seen on screen before so, if you're gonna see one this weekend, it's the one you should hit because The Expendables is kinda mneh. Not particularly bad, not particularly good, it's basically just retreading ground well worn in the 80's. The only reason to see this film is that Stallone remembered he somehow cast someone who can actually act and gives Rourke a solid monologue in the middle of the film in heavy closeup that Rourke pulls off with aplomb but that's going to be just as good on DVD. Otherwise, the movie brings a stale plot involving a team of mercenaries that gets handed a death trap of a job, thinks better of having to do anything with it, but gets drawn into doing it anyways when the leader feels obligated to help the local who was captured by the mark while they were recon-ing the hit. From here you get lots of explosions, updated CGI gunshot wounds and severed body parts, and big guns making lots of noise alongside impossible shots while no bullets land amongst our good guys. In other words, it's a guy flick staring a bunch of aging, current, and b-list action stars - leave the girl at home.

Or, take her to see The Disappearance of Alice Creed. This British psychological drama is about the kidnapping of the titular woman by two small time criminals seeking to ransom her to her rich father for two million Pounds. Staring Gemma Arterton as our victim and Martin Compston and Eddie Marsan as her captors, it's a well acted film that does a good job of holding your attention - which is saying something considering the first 10 minutes or so are done in almost complete silence - but is probably one twist too many long and pulls it's punch at the end. However, it's interesting in how it's able to tell it's story through the use of pretty much 3 locations for the majority of the film; making it a rather crafty bit of work with regards to getting the most out of what you have.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Reviews from the Pad: Stormrage

We now deviate from our usual diet of Film material to deal with a book. Specifically, this one - the latest in a line of WoW novels. Having spent a couple days wading through it in the store, I can only say that I'm glad I didn't purchase it; Stormrage is a master's class in how writing fantasy fiction isn't easy. Why, you might wonder? Since I don't have the book in front of me, allow me to create wholesale an example of the kind of writing you will see in this book:

"Reaching deep down inside, <protagonist> allowed himself to open fully to the profound mystic powers for the first time - putting aside all fear - and began channelling them deep into the earth to draw forth that which he needed to his aid. Slowly, surely, nature began to respond to his calling; growing, expanding... reaching for the surface until...."

Oh, for fuck's sake, just scream "Entangling Roots!!" and get it over with!

Seriously, I began skipping and/or skim reading entire pages of text because nothing happened but long winded "channeling" and "counterspelling" for paragraph after paragraph. This is bad fantasy writing because it's both bloody boring and self-important. Not only that, but the entire book feels crafted around situations that call for it: throwing the characters from trouble spot to trouble spot with little to no breaks in between. Finally, everyone explains/describes everything in similar excessive detail; lavishing praise on the smallest plant through to the Glaive they picked up from the BS yesterday for 50 silver and a stack of light leather....

It's fucking painful to read and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. So, I'm going to summarize everything you might need to know happens between the end of LK and until somewhere before the Cataclysm occurs just to save the world more suffering. Yes, I'm Spoiling shit. Deal with it.

1) That pompous ass Fandral_Staghelm, current leader of the Cenarion Circle, was slow poisoning Malfurion Stormrage with all that Morrowgrain you were collecting. He's quite mad and controlled by a dream shadow of his long dead son. He's also responsible for the corruption ravaging Teldrasal; having grafted a twig of the tree Malfurion turned Xavius into onto the new world tree and tricked the CC into channeling corrupting energies from an unknown force (*cough*<insert old god here>*/cough*), into the tree itself.

By the end of the book he can be found in Camp Crazy Town for Elderly Druids having suffered a complete mental breakdown at the second loss of his "son" and defeat by Stormrage.

2) Malfurion Stormrage returns to Azeroth from the Emerald Dream; having largely purged the Nightmare from the Emerald Dream and defeated the Nightmare Lord - Xavius extending himself into the dream through his connection to Azeroth as a tree and, again, the backing of an unknown force. Which is an Old God. Place your bets. Him and Tyrande Whisperwind - you know, that priest... in the middle of the rest.... on the upper level of the Temple... who's your leader.... that you let die every other day or so.... 'cause no one cares about that shit? - finally get around to tying the knot after she's been griping at him for a few millennia for his colossal failure to commit to anything but plants, forest animals, and the Emerald Dream.

"We've been living in Sin for 1000 years! When are you going to marry me!!!"

"I'm sorry... what... err... just a sec.... yes... the Birds are calling!!! BRB".

"Fucking commitment-phobe. If it wasn't for the cat tongue..."

While she remains leader of the people, he's also now the co-leader, replaces Fandral at the CC and is, apparently, more powerful than any other Druid ever. Ysera suggests he's as powerful as, if not potentially more than her..... So, that's a 60 man city raid then?

3) Ysera was temporarily captured and corrupted by the Twilight Lord and freed by Malfurion. Just in case they need an excuse for why she's avoiding the dream in the future.

4) Teldrassil has been purged of it's corruption, finally blessed by at least one Dragon - Alexstrasza after being impressed by how "full of life it is" when the Druid's heal it from the damage done in the Malfurion/Fandral fight as well as Malfurion removing the Xavius graft - as well as double blessed in some way by Alex. and Ysera in the final act at the Stormrage/Whisperwind wedding. Hopefully this leads to an interesting new starting area for Cataclysm.

Bet it won't.

5) The Emerald Dream is purged of the Nightmare. Save one corner that Mal could only wall off... that seems attached to a mighty font of evil... that's definitely not an Old God... Honest....

6) A bunch of stuff happens to characters you've never heard of unless you've either waded through the other novels/comics or spend your days reading WoWWiki instead of doing something productive. Someday you'll see them have models in the game and go: "gee it's...."

No, I'm lying, you really won't give a shit about this bunch of Mary Sues. At all.

Flintlocke's in the game now though. This is far more important news!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Link Storage: Best use of whiteboard ever...

... for future reference...

It would probably make me grammy sad...

...but this is more my speed than this.

I may live to regret this weekend.

At best.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Reviews from the Pad: Get Low...

... is a character piece staring Robert Duvall as an aged Hermit of 40 years (a man also of much local speculation as to why), in the southern US during the early 1900s who, upon hearing of an acquaintance's death, decides he wants to have a funeral before he dies so he can attend for reasons which become more apparent as the film goes on. Primarily co-starring Sissy Spacek, Bill Murray, and Lucas Black as his long lost ex, the local funeral home owner, and the owner's assistant respectively, Get Low's solid cast delivers a film which balances the drama and combination of Dark and Light comedy found in the script extremely well. It's a pretty good film although a bit heavy handed in tipping plot points ahead of time and the roles are the kinds of things we've seen Duvall, Spacek, and Murray do before. Thing is, they do them so well at this point you won't care about that.

If you're in the mood for a lighthearted yet occasionally somber drama, then this should be on your list of films to catch this week.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Things You Learn: At a Free Metric Concert.

1) Oh, you poor, poor, Samsung Rep. You sold yourself good and hard on the idea you could rub some of the "Cool" off on ya didn't ya? Yeah... The first five minutes of this are exactly why doing things like this are risky 'cause most of the people there are just there for the concert and you're a) in the way of that and b) trying to sell things.

To fans of an Indie Band.

Good luck with that, as the Boos and chants for the band throughout your ramble attested.

PS: You had a crowd sitting there from at least 6:00 and you ravished them with.... Banners attached to the stage? Really? Talk about your wasted opportunities...

2) God, I love the opening to Black Sheep. Just need to decide if I wanna raid the Pilgrim soundtrack by song to get it or get the whole thing - a question whose likely answer lies in just how bad/good the "band" songs are.

3) Tall guys will let short girls in front of them so they can see the stage! Chivalry isn't dead...

4) .... especially when it lets you spend the next few minutes looking down her shirt, ogling her ass, and slipping each other subtle high fives/massive grins. To be fair to the guys though, she was damned cute. Good call.

5) Emily Haines is a compressed coil of energy waiting to explode. She also looks like Envy Adams. Just saying.

6) "Best" viewing positions: the hood of the CP24 van. Random limbs of trees across the street.

7) Worst viewing positions: the wall over the stairs down to the subway... Yeah, those stairs are not going to be comfortable if you fall...

8) Fuck, that was a high energy set. It's not surprising they do so well 'cause, for a rock band, everything they do is surprisingly dance inducing....

9) People don't know how to get an encore anymore. Interesting fact: it doesn't involve watching the band walk off and then hopefully staring at the stage while the crew tears it down.





It probably didn't help that folks heard Stadium Love cranking up and began working their way towards the subway to try and avoid the mob either.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Guilty Pleasures...

Smoke's Poutinerie. I highly recommend the Triple Pork or the Pulled Pork. Order Small unless you plan to share.

A lot.

Side note: the movie I wanted to see last week doesn't open here until this week and apparently Dinner for Schmucks has been de-clawed - leading me to suspect I could write about it without ever seeing it and get pretty close to the actual plot. Sooooooo.... hiatus time until the interesting stuff opens...