Phone Text: Y didnt u cum 2day?
Option 1: Because you didn't knock on my door wearing just a trench coat and a smile?
Option 2: STOP SPYCAMMING ME IN THE SHOWER!!!!!!!
Option 3: What... did the Tories issue a quota?
Seriously, that's not remotely a straight line abbreviation for "come". Sadly, had to go with a suggestion she might want to use Google to brush up on some slang because my sense of humour frequently doesn't play well in text...
Also: she hits... is kinda devout... and very married... which takes a lot of the fun out of wordplay in terms of risk/reward.